Will you continue to go alongside me at times
On this troublesome leg of my life’s journey?
Will you be in my corner, still,
When the thoughts that punch the hardest
Knock the wind out of me?
…
These old woods have gotten quiet
Darkened by clouds that won’t crack
Silenced by a muffling blanket
Invisible but felt
Heavy and oppressive
Rainfall is long overdue
Drought is spreading beneath the canopy
Branches bend in the increasing wind
Into little smiles beckoning outsiders
It still looks green from a distance
…
Today I was re-reading a message that a friend sent me a day or two ago, when I was particularly struggling. I usually stick to posting my own words here, peppered with the occasional quote from another. But this is something I want to make sure I keep, and will find again, maybe when I really need it.
Sudden thought today: when I feel a need to withdraw, to isolate, I think what I really need to do may depend on why I’m feeling that urge.
Glowing with moonlight
From a clear sky
After a wicked storm:
Remember this!
I cried three times in under twelve hours.
Maybe that’s some sort of progress.
That, or I’m getting worse…
I can’t tell.
Everyone makes distance
I get too close
Do I suffocate them?
I’m not human
I will never be
I’ve lived long enough
I feel so disconnected
I can’t connect
It’s so little so rare
I have earned nothing good that I have
I thought I’d be ok now
.
April 15 – 16, 2025; Sitting in my car after a class.
Sometimes
it feels like
the greatest act of rebellion
I have ever done
when the thoughts
begin to stagger
when the sentences
are stuttering
when the will
is faltering
is
to choose
nothing
My high school French teacher
told us in class one day that it’s important
to be “comfortable in our skin”.
My skin is simply a boundary.
It draws a perimeter for the others,
dividing the delicate from the wilds.
It contains the sensitive ones, guards my vitality,
and houses a precarious family of slight dysfunction.
Don’t need no booze
Don’t need no weed
Don’t need no ecstasy
This ain’t no “high on life”
This just me