“I can choose to never feel this way ever again
With some courage and patience”
I wrote that yesterday
Seeing it now, a day later
It doesn’t mean quite the same thing anymore
24 hours can shift one’s perspective
Maybe tomorrow
It will mean something a little different again
Crying is blocked when others would or possibly could see it.
When it does happen, I’m almost always alone.
Will you continue to go alongside me at times
On this troublesome leg of my life’s journey?
Will you be in my corner, still,
When the thoughts that punch the hardest
Knock the wind out of me?
…
These old woods have gotten quiet
Darkened by clouds that won’t crack
Silenced by a muffling blanket
Invisible but felt
Heavy and oppressive
Rainfall is long overdue
Drought is spreading beneath the canopy
Branches bend in the increasing wind
Into little smiles beckoning outsiders
It still looks green from a distance
…
Today I was re-reading a message that a friend sent me a day or two ago, when I was particularly struggling. I usually stick to posting my own words here, peppered with the occasional quote from another. But this is something I want to make sure I keep, and will find again, maybe when I really need it.
Sudden thought today: when I feel a need to withdraw, to isolate, I think what I really need to do may depend on why I’m feeling that urge.
Glowing with moonlight
From a clear sky
After a wicked storm:
Remember this!
I cried three times in under twelve hours.
Maybe that’s some sort of progress.
That, or I’m getting worse…
I can’t tell.
Everyone makes distance
I get too close
Do I suffocate them?
I’m not human
I will never be
I’ve lived long enough
I feel so disconnected
I can’t connect
It’s so little so rare
I have earned nothing good that I have
I thought I’d be ok now
.
April 15 – 16, 2025; Sitting in my car after a class.
Sometimes
it feels like
the greatest act of rebellion
I have ever done
when the thoughts
begin to stagger
when the sentences
are stuttering
when the will
is faltering
is
to choose
nothing