catching the bus – Page 2 – Under the Cedar Trees

Autumn Forest

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on October 16, 2025

I’ve awoken in this forest again.

Under these cedar boughs, shaking dead leaves from my hair, I yawn and rub my eyes.

It’s already late, but sun rays are still finding their way in. The maple grove hidden inside has turned so orange, yellow, and iron red. The season is late too, and so my bones, my joints, my sinew — they all cry out their dread for the snowstorms that are always on their way, always just around the corner.
…

there’s no point in writing anything

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on September 30, 2025

there’s no point in writing anything

there’s no point in anything

i feel so

done

finished

nothing left but fear

irrational fear

i can’t get away

i can’t fight

i want out

Rhythmic Pattern

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on September 21, 2025

This dragged line of spiked balls of fear
Chained together with a rhythmic pattern of failures
Won’t let me leave this room
This basement so terribly bright
Or abysmally dark
Very rarely anywhere in between…

While My Husband’s in the Kitchen Cooking Dinner

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on September 21, 2025

While my husband’s in the kitchen cooking dinner
I’m calculating how many grams of rice I’ll eat
Budgeting the results of his care
Fretting over the mass I could be feeding
…

[Untitled] (Thinking of others…)

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on September 19, 2025

Thinking of others who have far less
Who have met with the heaviest misfortunes
Who do not have my reinforced net…

As it Should Be

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on September 4, 2025

A little more time
A pause
Life on hold
Pause, pause, pause
Many breaths

With enough breaths
A day has passed
And death is once again
As it should be

Reviled

September 1 – 4, 2025

Often, we just need to wait it out.

September 1 thoughts

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on September 1, 2025

I spiral and spiral and I just know, at the bottom of these spirals, that I’m not supposed to have lived, not supposed to live; I know that I do not contribute enough to be worth the space and time I occupy. …

August 31 thoughts

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on August 31, 2025

August 31, 2025 “If you were to die tonight, right now, that beautiful water and birdsong could be your last music.” “So to die now could be a beautiful end, but once gone, I’ll never hear that magnificent peace ever again.” “The world falls silent for us all one day, for each of us in our own time. One day, those birds will be gone too, along with any who could appreciate them. Neither existence nor non-existence truly hold anything of import. Not until the end of days, that is.”

It only needs to be stronger than the rest of me

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on August 23, 2025

once

August 23, 2025

So Tired

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on August 21, 2025

I hate my words I hate my thoughts I hate my speech I hate my silence I hate this I hate all of this I can’t stand me why can’t I just die in my sleep I shouldn’t be here I shouldn’t be here I shouldn’t be here I can’t live in this brain I can’t anymore I just can’t I’m too tired it’s too much and I’m just too tired I don’t know how I don’t know how I don’t know how I can’t flip the switch I just can’t flip the switch I can’t I just can’t I can’t, yet I will I will against nature, I will I don’t know how I don’t know how I can’t keep doing this I can’t I can’t I can’t why should I why should they why should they wait any longer why can’t I be brave why why why why why I’m a coward why why why …

Tag: catching the bus