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Under the Cedar Trees Posts

Milestone Attempt Failed

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on June 14, 2025

Today I attempted a milestone. With it now behind me, my mind lets the peaceful failure go, and turns its focus to the coming days and remaining year. Without the buffer of a more immediate test, upcoming trials can’t be swept away so easily anymore. The beast smells my fear and rises to the occasion, charging and butting and slashing me. Again, it attacks savagely; again, I survive. If it really wants to take me, perhaps it will take advantage of the opportunity in a few days. Until then, I’ll just wait and see.

June 14, 2025

Tired, happy, grateful.

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on June 12, 2025

I’m tired but I’m happy.

There’s no belonging or being out of place today. There’s just whatever days remain for me, and those around me, and the fortune that these still intersect. 

Tonight, as I retire, I’m filled with more gratitude than I know what to do with.

June 12, 2025; 10:35pm

Thoughts Before Sleep, June 10 2025

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on June 10, 2025

The day is almost over. The moon is almost full. My mind is getting closer to quiet, and brings me no poems. 

Everyone breathing along with me are one day closer to the end today.

As I close my eyes, all I can think about is how much I love them.

11:30 p.m. thoughts as I begin to drift off to sleep.

Sitting in a Hot Car / Warm Sunday Drive

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on June 8, 2025

I’m sitting in my hot car with a window down and a cheap excuse for a latte in my hand that coffee snobs would scoff at. I’ve been training with people decades ahead of me, who somehow haven’t given up on me yet despite my failures, and I’m tired in a good way, and I’m still sweating, and I’m disappointed in my weak progress but also kind of glad I haven’t quit yet, I guess. My guts are complaining, and I’ve got shitty music in my ears that most would hate but apparently some others out there, somewhere, actually like too, if the global play counts displayed are to be believed.

Continue readingSitting in a Hot Car / Warm Sunday Drive

I don’t live in the past, but I do learn from it.

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on June 7, 2025

I don’t live in my past. I don’t remember it clearly, even. Not most of it. However, that doesn’t stop me from internalizing the mistakes that were made and learning from them. Without even remembering their catalysts, I live and breathe and sweat those lessons today.

I don’t live in the past. What’s gone is gone, but, the past is a part of me today. It strongly indicates the future.

The lessons have been learned, but the action is still missing. Fear needs to be conquered next. The means must be collected. With the means and fearlessness, I can proceed.

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