Wanting to be Wrong

Maybe the destination
Won’t be acceptance after all
Maybe it won’t be calm
Won’t be peace
Won’t be love

If I don’t survive this
Whatever this resolution I’m rushing toward is
Then maybe that’s just further proof
I really wasn’t meant to be here

If I leave ignorance behind
I can likely never go back

I think I have to take the chance
I think I have to try
If I don’t
I’m not sure what that will mean
But I don’t think that’s a good ending either

I don’t want to face it
There’s something I don’t want to admit
But it also feels like an inevitable part
Of some critical process
That simply must be done

It’ll all come crashing down
When the day comes when I’m more afraid
To continue than to quit

Until then I try to run faster
But it always gets closer
This thing, whatever it is
That I can’t see or understand now
But seems insistent on making itself known
I keep running forward
And I can’t shake the feeling
That while I think I’m running
from something horrible
I’m really just getting closer
to it

Never have I wanted so badly
To be wrong

November 18, 2024