So Tired

I hate my words I hate my thoughts I hate my speech I hate my silence I hate this I hate all of this I can’t stand me   why can’t I just die in my sleep   I shouldn’t be here    I shouldn’t be here    I shouldn’t be here    I can’t live in this brain    I can’t anymore     I just can’t     I’m too tired    it’s too much   and I’m just too tired   I don’t know how    I don’t know how    I don’t know how    I can’t flip the switch    I just can’t flip the switch     I can’t     I just can’t      I can’t, yet I will    I will    against nature, I will    I don’t know how     I don’t know how     I can’t keep doing this  I can’t I can’t I can’t    why should I    why should they    why should they wait any longer     why can’t I be brave      why why why why why      I’m a coward        why why why     I can’t    I still can’t    I don’t know how to be smaller     how to be a smaller person     I can’t be small enough      I can’t live in this brain     one day I will finally leave it behind    until then     against nature     I live      against nature    I’m still trying    somehow    against me     I still try     somehow    I’m so tired of trying     I’m so tired of     just tired

I want 

I just want to close my eyes 

Hear wind rustling leaves above

And finally, once and for all:

Disappear

August 10, 2025