I feel like there’s no hope of getting better. I’ll be like this forever. There’s limits to how much I can adapt. There’s no fixing it. Why am I here? I don’t know what to change. It doesn’t matter if I change anything. There’s nothing that will make me work properly. I’m faulty. I’m not human. I’m playing pretend at being a real person — poorly.
I’m of no use. I impede, I don’t help. I’m not supposed to be here. I need to leave.
I’ve been wrong about a lot, but one big thing is that this can’t be fixed. It can be fixed! It can be fixed! It can be fixed! There’s one way. Just one. A permanent fix.
They call it a permanent fix to a temporary problem, but that’s not always the case. This is a permanent solution to a permanent, or at least chronic and recurrent problem.
If I can just get brave enough, I can fix all this shit once and for all. Free everyone I tangled.
This is how my mind assaults me on a regular basis.
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