Why I’m Not Writing Love Poems

Love poems are so rarely my thing
I like to read a good one sometimes
But to write one?
Not so much lately

I just want to scream anymore
I don’t know why
But I want to scream at the world
Know I really exist
Know I think and feel
Understand I’m really here 

This vehicle for catharsis
Needs to be honest
For it to work
It needs to speak true
To fulfill its purpose
And while I do love
I also hurt
And the hurt is far more
Difficult to share  

I keep getting this idea
That I can leave that hurt behind me for good
Once and for all
If I just write about it enough
If I just fight it the right way enough times
If I just use the right words

I need to remember
This brain can’t be fixed
Only managed
Only wrangled into submission 

If I can get it into that chokehold
Maybe I can finally move forward

I don’t know if that means
Being at peace
Or being gone
But maybe if I find that calm
I’ll write love again 

October 10 – December 11, 2024