A Daydream Decisive

She sits at a huge dining table
That was crafted amateurly
But with great care, in rich mahogany
Low warm lighting surrounds her
Stars twinkle through the windows
Her arms across her chest, she holds herself
Staring at an item on the table
Pondering 

She remembers that she hates the smell of metal 

It’s cold outside
Light snow is falling
There’s a fire burning
But the warmth doesn’t register 

Another vision is creeping in
Through the back tunnels of her brain
Eating tiny paths through gray matter

She had to push beyond
The limits of her cedar forest 
To make the necessary preparations 
She’s exhausted, having found her way back 
Settled now
Can she find the will
For one more effort

Her hands move
The tool still surprises her with its weight
It feels heavier than she expected
But it’s still easy enough to lift 

She wants to send a tiny piece of metal
On an adventure
But where?  

Cold hard
Rests on her forehead as if to kiss her
Presses into her throat as if to need her
Nestles on her chest as if to love her
Until it warms to her body
Before finally rejecting her
Reaching for the sky
From behind teeth

She’s surprised at how little scent it has

Her thoughts drift to the science of sound
She thinks about sound waves
And how quickly our brain signals can travel
She wonders if her mind will have time
To hear her decision realized

She wonders if someone will need
To clear the snow away from the door
In order to find her

She wonders

She refocuses herself
She can’t get distracted now
Not when she’s this close 

Awareness returns in a hurry
With the heat of the fireplace
She remembers what brought her here 
Hurt rushes back to her
It stings
Not for the first time
But now
She’s determined
For the last

It all tastes so bitter 

    Two
        hands

Doubts are erased

    One 

        finger

Confidence surges 

    Quickly

         Before she can change her mi—

Later, someone might ask why 

Another might appreciate
How she put her foot down
Determined

At least one might wonder
If her mind had time
Between the squeeze of a finger
And the destruction that followed
To hear the blast

November 22-25, 2024

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Seeking Decisions Undone // Alternate Endings