Monster Lullabies

I face the monster in my cedar forest again, but something is different today.

It’s in a deep slumber now.
I peer at it from behind my hiding-tree. 

Will it wake up and see me?
Will I wake it up if I get too close?

I lower myself closer to the ground.
Stepping sideways, using the edges of my crossing feet,
Quiet, counter-ninja stealth footwork.
My hands are on the hilt, but I haven’t drawn.
Slowly, ever so softly… easy does it, now…

I’m so close to the gargantuan monster
I can feel it’s hot breath on my face.
Its black eyes are still closed.
Every so often, a taloned hand gives a little twitch.

Is it dreaming?

What backdrop does it see on the backs of those eyelids?
Nightmares?

Is it remembering?

What memories can such a beast have? Any at all? 

I assumed it vapid. Feral. Primal. 

What if I’m wrong? 

What if it has its own memory bank of happy times?

I turn my head this way and that, regarding it thoughtfully.
My hands relax.

What if it has a history?
I mean, it certainly has one with me.
We’ve been at this wicked war for decades now, but…
What if our conflict isn’t its origin story?
Was this… thing… innocent once?
Did it ever have peace in its now-charred heart?

What if…
(Now, this is surely a ridiculous notion!)
What if this was once a friend?

Don’t be so stupid.
Thinking of this thing as a friend?
That’ll just get you killed.

Its snoring pauses suddenly.
It shifts its head where it’s resting on a fallen tree.
I freeze.
Did I say something out loud?
Please… Please stay asleep. 

I’m too close to it. This could end in disaster.

I hold my breath.
I reach out…
What am I doing?!

My hand is on its arm.
“There, there…”
What the hell?
I’m crooning to the damn thing!

I gently run my hand in slow circles on its rough hide.
“You’re ok. You’re ok.”
I’m so quiet, I almost can’t hear my own whispers.
Its hearing is very sharp, though!
It certainly can hear my own self-talk well enough.
It never fails to hear my doubts, so surely it can hear me now.

“Everything’s ok. You’re safe here. Sleep.”

It shifts, grunts.

“You’re allowed to rest.”

I hum a simple tune.

I watch its breathing settle back into a slow, even rhythm.
I slowly exhale, as softly as I can.
I think it’s calmed for now.
It seems content to stay there, asleep, a little longer. 

Crisis averted for today. 

I’m stunned.
How could this be?

Does this savage adversary sometimes needs some rest and soothing comfort too?

Clawing, cutting, spitting vitriol does nothing to help anyone sleep.

I creep away in reverse, refusing to turn my back, with those same cautious steps.

Maybe this will not always end so well.
Is it worth the risk of trying again, when I face this monster again?

I think it’s worth a try. 

For now, I continue my retreat until I’ve placed a good distance between us.

We’ll see what happens next time.

September 18-19, 2024

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Next in series: Monster Lullabies 2 (January 21, 2025)