It won’t stay gone.

I thought I had it beat. I thought it was gone for good. Why won’t it stay gone?

They taught us to accept that relapse would happen. They taught us to expect it. But I foolishly thought I had it figured out somehow. I thought I already won here.

How long this time? How far down will the downs go?

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It Won’t Stay Gone

Why has it come back?
Why won’t it stay gone?
I thought I already won here.

Will this kill me someday?
Is this how I’ll die?

Will I go down with this creaking,
Slowly sinking ship of my lifeblood’s retirement
Scrounging energy to scratch out my final message?

Will my last breath play tag with
Purging bitter words and
Vomiting ugly lines and stanzas
in some vain effort to connect and survive?