Emboldened by past success,
I stand firm but unfrozen when I see it.
If it wakes, will it give chase?
Will it toy with me, or pursue to kill?
The quiet peace brings forth
The familiar forest sounds that soothe:
The wind that makes it to the branches,
The birds chirping for each other,
The rustling of hungry deer in the brush.
…
Dear 2024:
You tried to end me
You tried so hard, repeatedly
To drag me down
You severed some ties
But you didn’t expect a stronger one
To form in the wake of your destruction
You never meant to hand me
A powerful new weapon
You didn’t expect what I gained
You didn’t expect my defenses to grow
You didn’t expect how others would love me
You didn’t account for what I already had
You were sure I’d buckle under your furious onslaught
But in the end, you were caught off guard
And in the arms of those who love me
I prevailed
Dear 2025:
See above.
You’ve been warned.
December 30-31, 2024
She’s dizzy, weak
She’s heavily wounded
Yet miraculously she stands
On shaking legs
Spitting bitter iron
Coughing, dazed, stumbling
With broken bones
Into arms of those who came
To her when she needed them most
The wet sand that cushioned her
When she fell so far
The sun that hid from her
In the cobblestone square
The moon that couldn’t find her
Sitting at her warm table
The snow that didn’t touch her
But saw her through that window
And the friend who could read her
Who could hear and see right through her
May be the only ones who really
Know her stories
Maybe that’s enough
After all, as this new day ends
She’s still standing
December 5, 2024
12:15 a.m.
A Daydream Aggressive
A Daydream Decisive
A Daydream Gently Ending
The moon is so bright in the early sky!
My breath comes easily,
My body feels a little lighter and moves easily on command.
The horizon lightens as I run,
Run, run, run,
Then run some more, faster this time.
The strings and melodies can reach me.
The bass and drums, the rhythm, push my cadence.
They touch the beast inside, placating it,
Soothing it and me.
Words from friends and allies ring true again.
The illusion of falsehood dissipates.
This is how I know that today is a day for relief,
That today is a day when I belong here again!
October 18, 2024
Something is different now.
The whispering voice isn’t quite the same.
Tonight, my perceived self worth irrelevant.
Time to try harder now
You stupid little bitch
You tried to push and shove
But you just gave me the itch…
I mark my victories on my skin. Kind of like the notches that warriors used to etch on their weapons, counting their kills, except these are not representing kills, but suppression. Non-lethal temporary marks for non-lethal temporary victories.
Temporary is the best I can reasonably hope for, but temporary or not, they are still victories and they’re truths that won’t be taken away from me.