They travel together
All within reach of each other, never wandering far
Taking their turns
One then the other then the other
For decades
Simultaneously hating and guarding each other
I need to do the things for the sake of the things, not the people involved. Other people are an unfortunate necessity. They’re for others. Not me. My way is not theirs. They are human. I am sub human. Almost, but not quite.
…
I feel so guilty just for being alive.
I’m not right in the head and I think I never will be.
I just need to get this out tonight.
A friend a couple weeks ago helped me begin to think: “Rather than a defect causing difficulties, it’s a difference causing difficulties.”
I should have learned by now
I should know better by now
Why will I never learn?
Frothing at the mouth
Over prophesized outcomes
I’ll never prevent
Fury turned inward:
History deafens me while
Self-hate steals my sight
I was not prepared for this
Stage of life I find myself in
Things were improving with years
Until they weren’t
And my shadow form has started punching down
In ways I could never see coming
After shoving me into the ring