I’ve called on others to analyze me
To evaluate and judge me
To name me as they see fit
Hoping to understand
What they understand
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I’ve called on others to analyze me
To evaluate and judge me
To name me as they see fit
Hoping to understand
What they understand
Midnight above us
Asking my lover once more:
Tell me who I am
Fewer and fewer
Words from shrinking throat and mind
So little of me
Press thoughts into me like fingertips
But explain to me what they mean
Shove feelings down my throat like cupcakes
But tell me what the flavours are
Invite me to the dinner table like I’m one of you
But show me how you live every single day
With the same humanoid shape
With the same language
With the same homeland as I
With your body comprised of the same proteins as I
With the same glucose in your veins as I
I’ll pay voracious attention this time, I swear
I’ll try really hard to learn
So that one day I may be able
To finally assume the shape of your thoughts
And learn to play your part
December 6, 2024
When I met you yesterday, T.
I sat with you for some time
Just listening
From the very beginning
You were precious
Eyes boring into mine
You were so animated, so excited
The more you talked
Realizing someone was listening
Really listening to you
…
I’m not much of a woman
Maybe I’m half of one
My body has the shape
We’ve largely agreed to call female
My chromosomes are oblique crosses
I’m seeing double
Am I missing half of my mind?
I play life defensively
Guarding what I must within reason
I take inside when I choose to
I bleed
But it feels like I missed something
When they were handing out
Club membership cards
Where’s the rest of me?
I check the F box on forms
With confidence
But at the same time
I feel like I’m sitting outside of it
Looking in
November 26, 2024
I can’t see anything looking forward. It’s blank. Unknown. I can only look backwards, on what fuzzy bits I can remember.
My face has never felt complete
Blurry, shifting, I could never get it to settle
Into any one coherent personality