How your voice somehow seems richer to me when you say their name
How your eyes look different in ways my mind cannot quite fully grasp
When you speak of them
When you share with me the plans your heart carries
Of your greatest possible future
…
No one is invincible
And for someone with that much love
That needs a place to go
It really needs to go
…
Simmering envy
Seeing others bravery
Fearfully, I live
Whispering engine
Doubts creeping, should not be here
Among melting snow
Apx. 7:15 – 7:30 p.m.
Some nights after twilight settles
Evening fears creep into view
Rolling into the night under that cold moon
Usually to fade with the sunrise
But only after they haunt
…
… But then
I think of them seeing me from the inside out
I imagine their mind’s fingers combing the strands tangled in my shallows
…
Another midnight
Unwanted awakening
Dread for forthcoming
Unease grips tightly
Mind plays friendships dissolving
Both past and future
Written upon waking just after midnight, slightly disturbed.
Maybe the destination
Won’t be acceptance after all
Maybe it won’t be calm
Won’t be peace
Won’t be love…
I feel like there’s something I’m not willing to admit to myself
But I keep getting closer to uncovering it
I feel like I need to. It’s part of the process. But I’m afraid it’s going to hurt
Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it’s something, but not such a big deal. Maybe it’s not very painful at all. Maybe I’m overreacting to a minor discomfort. Maybe it’s something absolutely horrible, something I will hate myself for.
Warm life runs beyond
Horizons unreachable
Starless nightmares cold
Disconnect, alone
Weighing down others’ lips
Fear will save me now