Fear moves through me.
Anger moves through me.
Each will pause for a time before moving along.
Each will always return.
When they move through me,
I must remember:
They visit;
I do not become.
When they return again,
I must remember:
They are smoke and wind.
They come to me.
I am neither.
December 16 – 18, 2025
there’s no point in writing anything
there’s no point in anything
i feel so
done
finished
nothing left but fear
irrational fear
i can’t get away
i can’t fight
i want out
Wheels begin to turn
Need takes flight
…
“It’s ok, no matter what happens.” they tell me, but I fear for them anyway. Their logic, reason, and emotional intelligence is some of the most powerful I’ve ever seen. I fear for them — their potential disappointment, sadness, loneliness, heartbreak — they act like their shields are all securely in place but I sense joints in their defenses where pain can seep through.
So much love given:
surely most will
find its way back home
Love is infinite:
it knows only the limits
our fear imposes
.
(I see how much love some others generate and share. I wish they’ll always see as much as possible come back to them.)
Senseless fear, senseless fear,
Always waiting near;
Senseless fear, senseless fear,
Destroying what’s held dear.
Creeping fear, creeping fear,
Robbing me of sleep;
Creeping fear, creeping fear,
Crawling in so deep.
Silent fear, silent fear,
Fraying threads so thin;
Silent fear, silent fear,
I fear the day you win.
.
June 25, 2025, late; June 26 edits
No trickles today
No regrets, few fears
The only tremors, slight as they were, the daily quivering from roots that anchor me to the rhythm of my own heartbeat
(Stream of consciousness foolishness, as sleep begins creeping in.)
…
I need to write
I need to breathe deeply
I need to inhale your calm peace
So I can exhale all this fear in exchange
…
A friend a couple weeks ago helped me begin to think: “Rather than a defect causing difficulties, it’s a difference causing difficulties.”
For you who holds my hands in one of your own
While holding a gentle mirror before me with the other
…