“If you always do what you’ve always done,
you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”
I remember hearing this from a woman
whose face and name I’ve long forgotten,
sitting a few seats away from myself
in our little circle…
The clouds roll and spill their essence
White-hot and frozen on these unkempt strands
It’s wet and strange and ignored
Half-blind in this storm I can’t see
Half-deaf in this hurricane I can’t name
….
I want to not be like this. I want to be able to accomplish and explore. I want to be able to feel real connection. I can’t connect with others. I can’t balance my life. I can’t reach goals. I can’t keep my thoughts straight. I can’t I can’t I can’t. I don’t want to be this person. My brain doesn’t work properly. I know I’m not supposed to be here. I’m not meant to be here.
Iron belongs to the earth
Stardust belongs to the void
It’s time for it all to go back
I have my assignment
I know what it calls for
I know where it belongs
My universe in soft blushes and verdant greens
Whispering hope for worth
Validating air exchanged
Caressing energy traded
Oblivious and welcoming
…
I need to go somewhere
I can’t stay here
While my husband’s in the kitchen cooking dinner
I’m calculating how many grams of rice I’ll eat
Budgeting the results of his care
Fretting over the mass I could be feeding
…
Hoping to wake refreshed
I am instead the tiny amorphous remains of a candle
That slowly burnt itself to a quiet death in the night.
A little more time
A pause
Life on hold
Pause, pause, pause
Many breaths
With enough breaths
A day has passed
And death is once again
As it should be
Reviled
September 1 – 4, 2025
Often, we just need to wait it out.
All my foolish ways
Return to taunt me tonight
As the world grows dark
They travel together
All within reach of each other, never wandering far
Taking their turns
One then the other then the other
For decades
Simultaneously hating and guarding each other