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Tag: catching the bus

Self-erasure

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on January 26, 2026

I realized today that I can disappear in small increments.

Instead of doing it all at once in one big, difficult, dramatic exit, I can instead just die quality, one piece at a time.

Self-erasure will be my salvation.

Less and less of me, quietly disappearing, retreating into hiding.

I don’t know why I didn’t see it sooner, especially once I realized that the more I retreat, the more I am accepted — further proof I don’t belong in this time.

Late night thoughts, wishing to be gone articulated

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on November 30, 2025

I want to not be like this. I want to be able to accomplish and explore. I want to be able to feel real connection. I can’t connect with others. I can’t balance my life. I can’t reach goals. I can’t keep my thoughts straight. I can’t I can’t I can’t. I don’t want to be this person. My brain doesn’t work properly. I know I’m not supposed to be here. I’m not meant to be here.

Continue readingLate night thoughts, wishing to be gone articulated

Autumn Forest

Published by Lee Under the Cedar Trees on October 16, 2025

I’ve awoken in this forest again. 

Under these cedar boughs, shaking dead leaves  from my hair, I yawn and rub my eyes.

It’s already late, but sun rays are still finding their way in. The maple grove hidden inside has turned so orange, yellow, and iron red. The season is late too, and so my bones, my joints, my sinew — they all cry out their dread for the snowstorms that are always on their way, always just around the corner.
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Continue readingAutumn Forest

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