…While I have not lived your life
I have lived mine
And mine has lead me to exactly who I am today…
The author and site owner can be reached at leeundercedartrees@gmail.com.
…While I have not lived your life
I have lived mine
And mine has lead me to exactly who I am today…
Ocean of thoughts crushes under its depths
Thoughts intrude from the inside but almost as if from others
I know they can’t live without me
But, in their insistence on return, it seems
I can’t live without them, either
I feel so guilty just for being alive.
I’m not right in the head and I think I never will be.
I just need to get this out tonight.
The savage and I are at odds again today.
But, today, I’m not pacifying it. I refuse to play by its rules.
I will not coddle it, cuddle it, kiss it on its forehead today.
Today I resist. I argue. I rail against its every move.
.
June 3, 2025
“It’s too much. Again. Again, you go too far!”
I hear it loud and clear.
“You are too much!”
I am too much,
But — too much for what? Too much for who?
…
Doubts whisper cruelties
as if my time is borrowed
and soon overdue
Late.
Will you continue to go alongside me at times
On this troublesome leg of my life’s journey?
Will you be in my corner, still,
When the thoughts that punch the hardest
Knock the wind out of me?
…
My high school French teacher
told us in class one day that it’s important
to be “comfortable in our skin”.
My skin is simply a boundary.
It draws a perimeter for the others,
dividing the delicate from the wilds.
It contains the sensitive ones, guards my vitality,
and houses a precarious family of slight dysfunction.
I’ve been wrong about a lot, but one big thing is that this can’t be fixed. It can be fixed! It can be fixed! It can be fixed! There’s one way. Just one.
I was not prepared for this
Stage of life I find myself in
Things were improving with years
Until they weren’t
And my shadow form has started punching down
In ways I could never see coming
After shoving me into the ring