I wake shaken:
Dreams of battle and travel
For the second time
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I wake shaken:
Dreams of battle and travel
For the second time
once
August 23, 2025
Every success, invigorating;
Every hug, affirming…
…While I have not lived your life
I have lived mine
And mine has lead me to exactly who I am today…
Ocean of thoughts crushes under its depths
Thoughts intrude from the inside but almost as if from others
I know they can’t live without me
But, in their insistence on return, it seems
I can’t live without them, either
I feel so guilty just for being alive.
I’m not right in the head and I think I never will be.
I just need to get this out tonight.
The savage and I are at odds again today.
But, today, I’m not pacifying it. I refuse to play by its rules.
I will not coddle it, cuddle it, kiss it on its forehead today.
Today I resist. I argue. I rail against its every move.
.
June 3, 2025
“It’s too much. Again. Again, you go too far!”
I hear it loud and clear.
“You are too much!”
I am too much,
But — too much for what? Too much for who?
…
Doubts whisper cruelties
as if my time is borrowed
and soon overdue
Late.
Will you continue to go alongside me at times
On this troublesome leg of my life’s journey?
Will you be in my corner, still,
When the thoughts that punch the hardest
Knock the wind out of me?
…