Start on your left. Easy.
Like you’re reading the first line on a page.
The author and site owner can be reached at leeundercedartrees@gmail.com.
Start on your left. Easy.
Like you’re reading the first line on a page.
I don’t understand people. I don’t always know why some things are ok but not other things. I get things wrong all the time that other people seem to just understand. Often I just don’t get it.
I can’t fix this ridiculous brain — I can only try to manage. But how do I manage this? I’m just going to keep making absolutely stupid mistakes. Others will keep wondering what the hell is wrong with me. It’ll happen again, and again, and again. I don’t know how to manage it.
I was riding high
Fully charged
Shining happy
Until the awakening
Then the reservoir ran low
Now I’m reduced to just
Just reduced…
Reduced to…
Reduced
Anglerfish roam my seas with dead bulbs
Ugly as hell with gaping jaws of crooked teeth
They have no enchantment left
So luring nothing they now go hungry
And the darkest words
Are free to swim as they please
If my guardians starve to death
How can I ever come back to safety
December 22-24, 2024
These precious few
I will serve them however I can
They may not want it
They may not ask for it
But whether they like it or not
I’ll give as I can
This is what I am!
This is how I’m human.
I withdraw and hide
Or fall silent for a time
As the need takes me
But I return when I can
With no less love than before
May I never lose to spite and bitterness
The side of me that brings me back
December 24, 2024
When I find valuable gems
My fingers feel cold
As I reach out
…
Fewer and fewer
Words from shrinking throat and mind
So little of me
Press thoughts into me like fingertips
But explain to me what they mean
Shove feelings down my throat like cupcakes
But tell me what the flavours are
Invite me to the dinner table like I’m one of you
But show me how you live every single day
With the same humanoid shape
With the same language
With the same homeland as I
With your body comprised of the same proteins as I
With the same glucose in your veins as I
I’ll pay voracious attention this time, I swear
I’ll try really hard to learn
So that one day I may be able
To finally assume the shape of your thoughts
And learn to play your part
December 6, 2024
… But then
I think of them seeing me from the inside out
I imagine their mind’s fingers combing the strands tangled in my shallows
…
Sometimes it all leaves
Blank sheets reach the horizon
Lungs now mere machines
Organs move onward
Redundant automatons
I have nothing real
Colours dull and fade
In this void words will not come
So I become still
(An attempt to figuratively capture experiences of autistic shutdowns and/or intermittently becoming non-verbal.)
I think I tasted it again today
That rare experience, precious
Honey from a hive
Communal joy
Connected on all edges of my honeycomb cell
Now I go out to replenish, alone again
Seeking more solitary nectar
How I hope to taste this honey again soon
🐝 🍯