Why must I fight tears
For your uncertainties?
Because …
The author and site owner can be reached at leeundercedartrees@gmail.com.
Morning came again:
confusing mix of apathy
and disappointment
.
3:45 AM
The spring evening sun is still shining
I wish it got dark early year-round
I’m waiting for early sleep
Finally forming a new atheist prayer:
…
Waking in the night just before 3 a.m. when he finally joins me
Rather than withdrawing, remaining separate, irritated at the disruption
I instead open the blankets and lift an arm to welcome him
…
It’ll be 4 a.m. soon
Everything is different at 4 a.m.
….
Supposedly cedars will burn quite savagely.
Violently.
I’ve never seen it
But I have no reason to believe this false.
…
How quickly would an entire forest disappear
With trees so eager to burn and share?
…
Frothing at the mouth
Over prophesized outcomes
I’ll never prevent
Fury turned inward:
History deafens me while
Self-hate steals my sight
I’m angry as hell
At predicted ends because
I’m fucking mental
Will you continue to go alongside me at times
On this troublesome leg of my life’s journey?
Will you be in my corner, still,
When the thoughts that punch the hardest
Knock the wind out of me?
…
How smooth in my hand
How white under the night sky
This stone tells me truths
These old woods have gotten quiet
Darkened by clouds that won’t crack
Silenced by a muffling blanket
Invisible but felt
Heavy and oppressive
Rainfall is long overdue
Drought is spreading beneath the canopy
Branches bend in the increasing wind
Into little smiles beckoning outsiders
It still looks green from a distance
…