I’m searching for your innermost colours.
With each one found, I want to splash and lather them all like watercolour onto coarse, textured paper.
The author and site owner can be reached at leeundercedartrees@gmail.com.
I’m searching for your innermost colours.
With each one found, I want to splash and lather them all like watercolour onto coarse, textured paper.
They travel together
All within reach of each other, never wandering far
Taking their turns
One then the other then the other
For decades
Simultaneously hating and guarding each other
For you who’ll walk with me when I’m in need
Seeing in me what is invisible to the eye
Who, when I drop
Pieces of me in the grass
Will gently place them back into my fumbling hands
…
There’s a kind of love for our first kin
Universally defensible, globally understood
Truly unconditional
There’s another for those we find briefly
For months or years
Sharing our space and time
Where captivations intersect
Yet another is reserved for so few
Bearing rings and keys
Sharing bathrooms and kitchens and beds
…
Their memories are vague concepts to me.
Myself, who never knew their fields:
I can only catch glimpses from a distance,
aided by stories told across chasms of time
and left written in the sand when the empathy tides recede
on memory shores.
…
I killed an insect on my desk this afternoon.
I’m not sure what it was, but it was probably harmless.
I could have put it outside.
I could have gently shooed it somewhere else.
But, I didn’t.
I crushed it, with a tissue, so I wouldn’t dirty my fingers.
Now the stink of death lingers in the room,
and I wonder where my heart’s gone.
.
June 4, 2025
What is this pervasiveness?
What is this system of patterns
These loops both logical and non?
…
“It’s too much. Again. Again, you go too far!”
I hear it loud and clear.
“You are too much!”
I am too much,
But — too much for what? Too much for who?
…
(Stream of consciousness foolishness, as sleep begins creeping in.)
…
I need to write
I need to breathe deeply
I need to inhale your calm peace
So I can exhale all this fear in exchange
…
It was you I was thinking of the other day
when I suddenly thought to myself:
“They make me feel so…. Normal.”
…