I should have learned by now
I should know better by now
Why will I never learn?
The author and site owner can be reached at leeundercedartrees@gmail.com.
I should have learned by now
I should know better by now
Why will I never learn?
Crying is blocked when others would or possibly could see it.
When it does happen, I’m almost always alone.
Angry at deceit
Self deceit
I know better
Why not do better
Because I wish it were otherwise
I was fooling myself this whole time
I’m not supposed to be here
I was not made properly
Defects need to go defects need to go defects need to go
Look at all the space and time you’re stealing!
It would be so much better for everyone if you were gone.
Think of the group for once instead of just yourself.
You’ll never feel this way again once you’re gone, but only once you’re gone!
Just do it. Just go!
.
May 9, 2025
Supposedly cedars will burn quite savagely.
Violently.
I’ve never seen it
But I have no reason to believe this false.
…
How quickly would an entire forest disappear
With trees so eager to burn and share?
…
I toss through the night
I wake feeling restless and uneasy
So before I make that same short drive
That I do all seven days of the week
I turn the dials a little higher this time
…
Today I was re-reading a message that a friend sent me a day or two ago, when I was particularly struggling. I usually stick to posting my own words here, peppered with the occasional quote from another. But this is something I want to make sure I keep, and will find again, maybe when I really need it.
The drugs eased, but still
My heart rate slowed to a new low and sleep returned
This time dreaming of the return of a long lost friend
…
Sudden thought today: when I feel a need to withdraw, to isolate, I think what I really need to do may depend on why I’m feeling that urge.
Calm river surface
Conceals turbulent wishes
Still drifting forward
.
On observing the particular journey of one close and dear.
I learned something important about myself today.
I need a best friend. Without one, I don’t feel whole.