I’m here, and I’m not here. I shouldn’t be here at all… I’m blinking and fading in and out of existence…
The author and site owner can be reached at leeundercedartrees@gmail.com.
I’m here, and I’m not here. I shouldn’t be here at all… I’m blinking and fading in and out of existence…
…I could have gone so much further
Could have taught myself so many things
When the world opened to me
When I could finally reach the lessons
…
Isn’t it funny sometimes, the things that our brain decides to retain for us, without our conscious choosing?
Our first convention, I forget the exact year but it was at least two decades ago…
“If I am worth anything later, then I’m worth something now.”
— Someone, somewhere, some time.
Maya Angelou (I think?) said that every storm runs out of rain.
It’s not really wanting to die so much as wanting to disappear.
Dying does take care of that, but maybe there’s other ways.
Today was a little clearer than usual.
It just occurred to me today that tiredness and sadness feel (almost???) identical to me.
anything I have. I’m so damn tired.
Night rain on asphalt
Under the warm familiar roof
Friends talk over noise
I don’t understand people. I don’t always know why some things are ok but not other things. I get things wrong all the time that other people seem to just understand. Often I just don’t get it.
I can’t fix this ridiculous brain — I can only try to manage. But how do I manage this? I’m just going to keep making absolutely stupid mistakes. Others will keep wondering what the hell is wrong with me. It’ll happen again, and again, and again. I don’t know how to manage it.