I’m a ghost, haunting on stolen time
I’m surviving tonight
I’m training myself on inhibition defeat
How much drugs to kill the resistance?
I’m a ghost, haunting on stolen time
I’m surviving tonight
I’m training myself on inhibition defeat
How much drugs to kill the resistance?
I’ll sit at the table.
I’ll eat the dinner, I’ll listen to the conversation.
I’ll unwrap gifts along with the others.
I’ll be there, but there’ll be moments where I’ll realize it will be a tiny bit different this time around.
…
Sun peering through me
With a surreal confidence
Certain of this end
I want to not be like this. I want to be able to accomplish and explore. I want to be able to feel real connection. I can’t connect with others. I can’t balance my life. I can’t reach goals. I can’t keep my thoughts straight. I can’t I can’t I can’t. I don’t want to be this person. My brain doesn’t work properly. I know I’m not supposed to be here. I’m not meant to be here.
My thoughts are not really mine but they are internalizations of all the things others have said, even without always directly saying them.
Such joy to see you returning so healthy and happy! With a spring in your step, no less, and a sparkle in your eye, holding care and forgiveness in the firm grasp of your hugs.
Granting acceptance with your presence, you return the missing to the damaged.
Everyone you touch finds themselves at least a little more whole for it.
there’s no point in writing anything
there’s no point in anything
i feel so
done
finished
nothing left but fear
irrational fear
i can’t get away
i can’t fight
i want out
This war will only quit when I do. It’ll only fall still when my heart insists on the same.
Hoping to wake refreshed
I am instead the tiny amorphous remains of a candle
That slowly burnt itself to a quiet death in the night.