Such joy to see you returning so healthy and happy! With a spring in your step, no less, and a sparkle in your eye, holding care and forgiveness in the firm grasp of your hugs.
Granting acceptance with your presence, you return the missing to the damaged.
Everyone you touch finds themselves at least a little more whole for it.
there’s no point in writing anything
there’s no point in anything
i feel so
done
finished
nothing left but fear
irrational fear
i can’t get away
i can’t fight
i want out
This war will only quit when I do. It’ll only fall still when my heart insists on the same.
Hoping to wake refreshed
I am instead the tiny amorphous remains of a candle
That slowly burnt itself to a quiet death in the night.
Today there was an opportunity to advocate for myself (to enable better communication) but instead I yielded to the path of least resistance to grease the conversation cogs, to bring the interaction to an end sooner, and to prevent making another person think or feel oddly (about me or the situation).
I spiral and spiral and I just know, at the bottom of these spirals, that I’m not supposed to have lived, not supposed to live; I know that I do not contribute enough to be worth the space and time I occupy. …
August 31, 2025 “If you were to die tonight, right now, that beautiful water and birdsong could be your last music.” “So to die now could be a beautiful end, but once gone, I’ll never hear that magnificent peace ever again.” “The world falls silent for us all one day, for each of us in our own time. One day, those birds will be gone too, along with any who could appreciate them. Neither existence nor non-existence truly hold anything of import. Not until the end of days, that is.”
Thoughts on mental and emotional intimacy in platonic interpersonal connections.
“It’s ok, no matter what happens.” they tell me, but I fear for them anyway. Their logic, reason, and emotional intelligence is some of the most powerful I’ve ever seen. I fear for them — their potential disappointment, sadness, loneliness, heartbreak — they act like their shields are all securely in place but I sense joints in their defenses where pain can seep through.
Your fading presence will one day leave a hole in my life I’m not sure I could fill again.
You walk through my life with gentle steps, in shoes none other can fit.
One day the footsteps will become quieter. I’ll strain to hear them, and a sad echo will surround each distant tap.
.
July 12, 2025
(Reflections on a friend and predicted futures.)