I'm a middle-aged nobody breathing one day at a time in Ontario, Canada.
This tiny corner of the Internet is an outlet for unmasking random thoughts and creations surrounding life in general, adventures in budō, and any other topics that come to a ridiculous mind.
"Through journaling, your voice cannot go unheard."
When she lets you in, everything will change.
You will not be in our world anymore.
The world will swirl around you
and her
and her
and her.
.
July 7, 2025
(Reflecting upon the potential future romantic success of a friend.)
“I refuse to change who I am”, I proudly declare;
but who the hell is that “I”, anyway,
and what do they really want for me?
.
July 5, 2025
Beg gracious pardons,
put yourself first for once and
go before them all
The me of today wants everyone to have what they need and at least some of what they want, and to do their best.
Ocean of thoughts crushes under its depths
Thoughts intrude from the inside but almost as if from others
I know they can’t live without me
But, in their insistence on return, it seems
I can’t live without them, either
Wake sleep wake again
Room for one more white helper
Smooth edge jagged edge
.
2:50 a.m.
I march on daily
Stubbornly refusing to yield
A rebel parade of one
…
Sometimes I start doing relatively well for a time. Days, weeks, maybe I get some good months, even. I get the audacity to start thinking that I’m improving, that I’m figuring things out. But then something will always end up putting me back in my place and reminding me that I can’t figure out how to be a whole, normal person. This cycle will repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat and will not end for as long as I live. The responsible thing is to bow out for real, but I still just can’t do it. I’m stuck.
So much love given:
surely most will
find its way back home
Love is infinite:
it knows only the limits
our fear imposes
.
(I see how much love some others generate and share. I wish they’ll always see as much as possible come back to them.)
Kind words, patient pauses,
encouragement to shine
Handmade cards, cats on T-shirts,
specially chosen stones
Notes inked on pages in books of wisdom,
celebrating decades lived
Soft roomy sleepwear, fruit in baskets,
flowers to communicate care
Mirrors sharp yet somehow gentle,
encouragement to live
Immense communication wordless and not
echoes through the chambers of my heart,
reminding me what I am to others
.
June 26, 2025