to fucking cry once in a while
The author and site owner can be reached at leeundercedartrees@gmail.com.
I'm a middle-aged nobody breathing one day at a time in Ontario, Canada.
This tiny corner of the Internet is an outlet for unmasking random thoughts and creations surrounding life in general, adventures in budō, and any other topics that come to a ridiculous mind.
"Through journaling, your voice cannot go unheard."
to fucking cry once in a while
On the rapid severity with which conditions or situations can shift.
Continuation: Saturday Evolution
Waking with the sunrise / balanced and healthy / morning unfocused / afternoon of forced smiles / clicking clacking / brief evening of laughs / good food, short adventure virtual / day devolves / heart dissolves / nighttime concrete / dragging heavy feet / crickets and music / (music and crickets?) / keep trying but can’t get my damn glasses clean / so sick of myself / want to get away from myself / don’t want to be anyone else / just want to get away / separate from myself / insides twitch / insides weigh heavy / numb / dragging / dragging / dragging / nine hours / tiny relief / soon numb again / hope for a feeling / anything to come with another sunrise
Sky lightening now / still waiting
Friday, September 13 – Saturday September 14, 2024
If my name was Olivia, I’d go by Liv.
Or maybe Oliv.
But my name isn’t Olivia…
Attempting to process some unpleasant feelings towards some particular people in my life.
Warm sun and cool breeze:
happy-tears polish four eyes,
stars elusive found
(I’m so happy that you’re finding your stars, M.)
Sometimes I think it’s gone and am convinced I’m free, even if I know it’s just for a little while. “I’ve had a good week”, I say to myself, and I say to others, and I’m smiling.
Then there’ll be someone in the know…
Time to try harder now
You stupid little bitch
You tried to push and shove
But you just gave me the itch…
That beast awakens again tonight.
It smells my weakening will, and my confusion.
It smells them, and its appetite is aroused, after fasting for days.
It salivates at the thought of me;
at the thought of tasting me.
Sometimes all I have to do
Is stand firm glaring
Insist upon my place
And it will yield the path…
Notches on skin
Reminiscent of warriors of old…