I'm a middle-aged nobody breathing one day at a time in Ontario, Canada.
This tiny corner of the Internet is an outlet for unmasking random thoughts and creations surrounding life in general, adventures in budō, and any other topics that come to a ridiculous mind.
"Through journaling, your voice cannot go unheard."
Senseless fear, senseless fear,
Always waiting near;
Senseless fear, senseless fear,
Destroying what’s held dear.
Creeping fear, creeping fear,
Robbing me of sleep;
Creeping fear, creeping fear,
Crawling in so deep.
Silent fear, silent fear,
Fraying threads so thin;
Silent fear, silent fear,
I fear the day you win.
.
June 25, 2025, late; June 26 edits
No trickles today
No regrets, few fears
The only tremors, slight as they were, the daily quivering from roots that anchor me to the rhythm of my own heartbeat
Shouldn’t be surprised
Uninterrupted sleep tonight
Is too much to ask
2 a.m.
Let instinct guide you
Take my hand in yours
Take my lines in your palms
Wrap yours in mine
I lie fallow
Waiting…
Wake! Wake up!
It screams.
Hear me! Get up!
It whistles.
…
This marriage of elements simply lives a short, furious existence, however it pleases, until exhaustion.
Pale-faced like the ticking round clock on the wall.
Wide-eyed, I listen and wait, hoping to drift.
Hours pass, still hoping.
Too much day sleep, too much caffeine, I think to myself.
Sadistic brain replays conversations, probing with questions, looking for errors.
…
Always analyzing, always seeking the mistakes, always finding a reason to blame.
I stopped existing for five hours.
Today I attempted a milestone. With it now behind me, my mind lets the peaceful failure go, and turns its focus to the coming days and remaining year. Without the buffer of a more immediate test, upcoming trials can’t be swept away so easily anymore. The beast smells my fear and rises to the occasion, charging and butting and slashing me. Again, it attacks savagely; again, I survive. If it really wants to take me, perhaps it will take advantage of the opportunity in a few days. Until then, I’ll just wait and see.
June 14, 2025
I’m searching for your innermost colours.
With each one found, I want to splash and lather them all like watercolour onto coarse, textured paper.