Unexpected Calming in a Completed Gestalt

Vibrations were rising
Panic was on the horizon
Moving closer, quickly

Attempts to connect — I stuttered
I froze
Eyes darting everywhere but her gaze
Until, through my stunned silence 
She put her infant in my arms

I don’t know if she acted with intention
Maybe she just needed her hands 
But she showed me how to hold the little bean
Close to me
Then crossed the long room
To do what needed to be done
Having placed as if it were an easy choice
Her most precious jewel
Into my terrified care 

I once held a baby cousin
When I was still a child myself
I never thought I’d hold one ever again
But she left me nose to tiny nose
Breath to tiny breath
Stunned expression to stunned expression
She left me face to face
With the innocence she brought into the world
She left me encased in a five minute bubble
Where only this wee one
Lived 

Everything is new again

There’s only one universe
For those few minutes
One completed gestalt
And she is it 

Somehow, nothing else
Matters
None of my shortcomings
Matter
None of my failures, beliefs, or fears
Matter
Only she
Matters

For those few minutes
When the rest of the world and all its uncertainties
Receded
And dimmed
And became soft
Like her 

For those few minutes
I have no doubt
I would have died for her
Died for those round little legs
Delicate little arms
Pudgy little cheeks
The softest, smoothest cheeks
Smiling at me 

Her tiny body radiated such warmth
So much warmth I briefly feared a fever 

I asked myself
If I was ever so warm
When my mother or father held me
Surely I was
Surely they would have noticed 

To think about how I was once so small
Stuns me 

“Oh, she’s much calmer now.”
A voice appears
Having briefly stepped into the bubble
Before retreating again 

Surely, this tiny little being cannot understand
This calm she brings here in my arms
How could she, while I cannot
How could she possibly understand
While the grown ones cannot
That I am the one who’s been calmed
How could she possibly understand
That I am the one who’s been tamed 

Her father takes her from me

I look at her parents and wonder
If the world disappears
When they hold her too

August 23, 2025