I see it in the face now
I hear it in the talks now
I hold it in the hugs now
Please let me keep this now
I feel it in my hair now
I keep it on the desk and in the bedside table now
Friends will come and friends will go
It’s the way of things, but please
Let me keep this now
I didn’t know how badly I needed this
Until it held me with a gaze I could crawl inside of
To rest
.
July 23 – 31, 2025
You can’t stay here
You may stay here, should you choose
You are wanted here, by many, without a doubt
But it’s written all over every cell of your body
That you can not stay here
That you will not stay here
I want to be wrong more than right.
I hope I’m wrong about so many things.
I inhale many possible outcomes every minute,
so many that I can’t even taste them anymore,
and exhale apologies with and for every breath.
What are my lungs doing?
Why do they feel this way, hating me?
Why must they tell the world, over and over,
“I’m so sorry I’m here”?
.
July 29, 2025
~ 4 a.m.
“It’s ok, no matter what happens.” they tell me, but I fear for them anyway. Their logic, reason, and emotional intelligence is some of the most powerful I’ve ever seen. I fear for them — their potential disappointment, sadness, loneliness, heartbreak — they act like their shields are all securely in place but I sense joints in their defenses where pain can seep through.
Stars guard their secrets.
Are those as lost as I am
watching the same sky?
I’m sure you’ll never read this
This lesson could never come from me
But I do hope you learn it
Somewhere, from someone
I know it may be so, so very hard
For many of us to believe this
(Trust me, I do)
But please do consider the possibility
That you can make the space you need
To hold and keep everything they have to offer you
If I wanted to live forever
It must be just so I can read all the poems yet to be written
And all the past greats that I’ve missed so far
And so that I may write
And write
And write, write,
Write until the universe ends with a whimper,
Both it and myself becoming silent, together,
As one
.
July 21 – 23, 2025
Followed up by: Denial Determined
Every heartbeat, dishonest;
Every breath, wasteful;
Every action, fraudulent.
This perseverance, cowardice;
An ending determined, righteous.
.
July 22, 2025
~ 11:20 p.m.
Night air crisp and quiet
Goodbyes finally ring true
Honest and hollow
I don’t want to exist
like this;
but I still know,
and can’t forget.