Suddenly sleep is difficult again.
Wide-eyed, I listen and wait, hoping to drift.
Hours pass, still hoping.
Too much day sleep, too much caffeine, I think to myself.
Sadistic brain replays conversations, probing with questions, looking for errors.
Finding errors.
Finding errors?
Inventing errors?
Finding errors.
The compulsive apologies are given silently at 2 a.m., since no one can hear or read them.
Always analyzing, always seeking the mistakes, always finding a reason to blame.
Sniveling, crawling, always sorry, this brain.
Always sorry. Never giving real solutions while sorry, save for one obsessive idea.
Sadistic, foolish brain needs to learn patience.
Sorry brain needs to sleep.
.
June 20, 2025 2 a.m.
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