Raw Knuckles

I was not prepared for this
Stage of life I find myself in
Things were improving with years
Until they weren’t
And my shadow form has started punching down
In ways I could never see coming
After shoving me into the ring

Cycles are beginning to spiral
Further down as months go by
Driving my thoughts as they please 

Loathing and love
For me I take both
But can’t hold on to either for long
I’m constantly shifting
Front foot, back foot
Front, back, front
Front
Back

Back

Get back!  

Sometimes it will ease up on me for a time
Before pulling me back in to its fury
It never lets me go for long 

My knuckles raw and dripping
Eye swollen shut
Heart bruised and bleeding
Stomach churning
Lungs rasping 

As you were before
You’re there again to ease
My way back up off the floor
After one too many hits 

Coming-to
Fearful, wide-eyed, tearless
I accept the offered help
You dab at sweat
You wipe away blood
You touch my forehead
You support my weight
Leading me from the ring

I find myself both
Ashamed of my failure
To remain on my feet, and
Dreading the day I hit the mat when
Whether by circumstance or choice
You’re no longer here

.

March 24 – April 1, 2025