Beyond Entanglement

I have no great preoccupation with romance.

I have no deep obsession with the physical satisfaction
that’s only a small, perhaps even optional part
of our experiences connecting us as human beings.

Some only care about interlocking body parts:
entwined limbs, tangled hair,
lips pinched between another’s teeth,
flesh sliding against flesh,
spit of another tasted on one’s own tongue.
These things can bring joyful connection
enmeshed in the most brief,
fleeting sense of satisfaction:
how tall it rises; 
how quickly it falls again.
For those who find love enough there,
I make no judgement;    
but as for myself,
while entanglement can feel as a gift divine,
it’s the times in between the sparking collisions
where my greatest needs are met. 

I take my joy where I can find it, but
a greater bliss than the pressing of flesh
can be found in another’s invitation to speak 
while they hang on your every word
as if they’d wring the last drop of meaning
from every syllable you exhale.

You can feel the warmth spread from their arms to yours
when they embrace you to shelter you
from your emotional storms,
waiting out the worst of your personal hell with you,
not merely for satisfaction of base instincts.
They explore you for you
while simultaneously opening themselves
to receive the same.  

Is this space between us not where we
discover the greatest of our real selves?

Half a life or close has passed me by,
and still I study the ground at my feet,
as if by looking down I might find
the concepts I belong to
buried in the dirt while the forests, fields,
and skies watch over me in confusion. 
I dig small holes in the soil to see what might crawl out,
lift rocks to peer underneath,
even catch insects gently between my curved hands, 
listening intently to their voices,  
but I’ve never found myself hidden
in any of these places.

I’m still searching. 

I might be missing the forest for the trees,
failing to see the entirety of me
while picking at my tiny details
like the pilling on an irritating old sweater,
but this broken gestalt will never complete itself  
if I can’t solve the mystery that pursues me.

These connections between minds,
this great human enigma
remains my greatest challenge
and its discovery, its understanding, 
remains my greatest need.

January 31 – February 3, 2025