How Lucky I Am

The wheel turns
History repeats
Once again I have lifted those I choose to love
While I struggle and fail to climb

How lucky I am that you’re so brilliant
You, in the top ten percentile
You, the big earner
Who can persuade, think, and solve
Who can provide
So much more than I ever could

The best I’ve been able to do for you 
Was believe in you, vouch for you
Lead you here for a fresh start
Lead you to your comfortable, stable future
Overflowing with my affection
Giving you the space to come into your own
Knowing you would find your way
And grow into the life you have now
The whole time being sure to tell you every single day
How much you’re loved
A form of empowerment for you
An ephemeral gift that doesn’t pay bills

Groceries and utilities
This new car bought on clearance
When they wanted to clear the lot
The trip you’re planning for us
Debating the cost of upgrading our lives
All great opportunities to remind me
Of this high place just beneath you where I can only sit
Because of you

You did the math
You put in the work
You persuaded, confidently
Rewarded time and again for boldness
I hold my tongue in a vice
Speaking only in my head
Not wishing to start fires
I may not be able to extinguish
Wishing I could remind you
You can climb your stairs this high today
Because the first few
Were placed in front of you years ago
While you climbed most of the way
By your own undeniable efforts
In a sense, it could be argued that
Maybe you reached this high in the end
Because of me 

No matter how loud you roar
No matter what you throw
I absolutely refuse
Perhaps in foolish naivete
To acknowledge this as anything but
The partnership I’ve always seen it as

Your body never strayed far
But your heart turned away days ago 

Today it doesn’t feel entirely home yet
I refuse, in my pride, to desperately chase it
But instead, coax it towards me
With reason tainted with emotion 

It’s to my relief
I see it finding its way back
As I watch its gradual return
I stand here reminded
That despite what bards around the world
Tell us over and over
Love is not enough
So our work must continue

January  27 – 30, 2025