Poorly Done Experiment

It was in the springtime when
I decided to do an important experiment
I had a hypothesis to test

I didn’t stop to think about the possible long term effects
I should have known where it would lead
But I didn’t think enough
And instead of predicting, I hoped

I wonder how many experiments happened like this
Carried out by scientists unfortunate enough
To be mere humans
Who clung desperately to hope for desired results
Throughout their more meticulous processes
Only to be horribly disappointed
So much so, some may even have quit 

How many repeated experiments
Were so thoroughly examined and retried
Labelled as good science but really
Desperately hoping for a different outcome

My process was dented and chipped 

I didn’t control for variables
I spread the net too wide
Applied the method too broadly
Unable to distinguish
(Or perhaps unable to control)
When to do or when to not

Yet it was still too small of a sample size
Simultaneously, somehow
Withdrawing too far
Sometimes unable to even
Discern my own progress clearly

I didn’t choose an end date
Now the leaves are falling
And I haven’t stopped
Or, in a sense,
You could say I haven’t started again
And to be perfectly honest
(And what is science if not honest)
I don’t know if I can 

The test is still ongoing
But the results play out over and over again
I can’t deny them

I’m not sure what I was expecting
But I think what I’m finding
Is that what I didn’t want to be true
Is

I wish I could purge the core of me
Everything that I am
This odd amalgamation
The more clearly I see it
The more I think I want it gone

This experiment
May have already become my new norm
I thought I would find a better solution
I thought I would fix something
But in conclusion
It seems I’m better off
Mute

November 22, 2024