Obscurity

How is it that the feelings of others
Usually so obscure
Can at times be so much clearer
So much sharper around the edges
Than what’s inside my own core

Why are my own stirrings
My own tsunamis
My own tremblings
So elusive
So confusing
Until paralleled with another’s

Shortsighted towards myself
Lacking in definition
A little clearer if reflected
Do I fear knowing myself fully

Connection to others
Brings experiences
Teaches sensations
Grants insights
At times inspiring
At times terrifying
At times confusing 

I reflect on this
And feel something
Clearly for once
Ashamed 

I don’t want to admit how
My mind is so

I don’t want to admit how
I must learn
How to feel
How to let myself feel
How I need to feel anything at all
From others

I don’t want to admit how
I must search
For emotions
For reasons why and why not
For pieces of myself
In others

Is my own self
Held so close to my chest
Even I can’t see it

November 10, 2024